George Strait Criticized For Being Homophobic

Charleston, WV

Yesterday, Mary Baca (who identifies as pansexual) was merely minding her own business, surfing YouTube, when she made a disturbing discovery: George Strait. “I couldn’t believe my eyes! How could anyone be so cruel? I’m just glad that the local McDonalds I work at doesn’t allow this kind of treatment”.

She/He/It hadn’t even heard of George before because she “only listen[s] to good music from modern artists”. When asked if she had ever listened to any of Straits hits, she replied “No I haven’t, and I never will! Would you like it if someone did this to you? You try being diverse and different for a day and tell me it doesn’t hurt!”. A nation wide online petition has been started by Baca, requesting the Supreme Court force Strait to change his name to something more inclusive.

Another individual from Lansing, MI requested that we not reveal her identity, but wanted her opinion to go public. “Just another case of toxic masculinity! Greg is basically raping anyone who has different ideas of sex and gender. In the music video for ‘Check Yes Or No’, there wasn’t a single gay or transgender person!” When told that she had mispronounced ‘George’ as ‘Greg’ she replied, “I don’t care! When someone has such an offensive name, they deserve to be called Greg!”. Realizing she had just name-shamed an entire people group, she ran off.

The S.A. Tyre Times could not make further contact with the individual, and was forced to cut the interview short.

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